Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.

My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch.

If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.

People who don't understand sarcasm are awesome.

I feel like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.

I think it's about time Taylor Swift
wrote a song called
"Maybe I'm the Problem"

I'm at the age where
all my posts start with the phrase
"I'm at the age where."

My pin is the last 4 digits of π.

Me: I need to be productive.
My computer: Time for a software update!