Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
Where's the best place to buy a surge protector?
At an outlet mall.
I'm not saying I'm old... but when I was in school, we made ashtrays for our parents in art class.
I just quit cold turkey. It's fine, warm turkey tastes better anyway.
It's amazing that baby birds just teach themselves how to fly. Is it hard-wired at birth or do they wing it?
What's a world cup player's least favorite sweater? A red cardigan.
My screen time report came in and honestly I'm not ready for that conversation.
My patience is like my data plan. Running dangerously low.
Posting this from the couch, where I have been for 6 hours, on purpose.