Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I tripped and hit my head on a drum. I think I have a percussion.

I don't think I need a spine. It's holding me back.

I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves. The correct answer was blood vessels.

Remember when air for your tires at the gas station was free, but now its $2? Do you know why? Inflation.

If I'm disoriented does that mean I'm not in Asia anymore?

Today I bought a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to paper.

I just had a reality check... it bounced.

Confucius says: He who sleeps like a baby does not have one.

What if oxygen is poisonous and just takes about 80 years to kill us?

I feel like getting some work done, so I'm lying down until the feeling passes.