Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
The older I get, the earlier 'late' becomes. 9 PM might as well be 2 AM.
My brain has too many tabs open.
I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge.
I was addicted to soap... I'm clean now.
I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
If you are still looking for someone who will change your life, look in the mirror.
No one is perfect; that's why pencils have erasers.
I've got a chicken-proof front lawn. It's impeccable!
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.