Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

That panic when you're on a video call and someone asks you to share your screen.

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

Want to hear a construction joke? I'm still working on it.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

My math teacher called me average. How mean.

Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

I have all my ducks in a row. They're just dead ducks.