Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

For years there's been talk about getting rid of the US penny and they finally did it! Some people are just afraid of change.

I can't even tell you how long I spent at the watch repair shop the other day.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I never said most of the things I said.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.