Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
You can't stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
Do you know where Captain Hook bought his hook?
At the second hand store.
I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...
I don’t care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe!
Sometimes I question my sanity, but the unicorn in the kitchen told me I'm good.
I'm confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living
I got my shot for Shingles today. Just to be safe, l also got one for Vinyl Siding too!
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Pro tip: Bakeries don't check ID's so you can buy a birthday cake whenever you want!
When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!