Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I used to wonder what font was used for the letters in Alphabet Soup, turns out it's Times New Ramen.

Had to get my knitting needles fixed. They just didn't seam right.

A friend just gave me a packet of sugar as a gift. I thought it was very sweet.

The happier you are the more beautiful you become.

The fact that we call them "Earth worms" implies that there's another planet inhabited by a different type of worm…

If you can't stop thinking about someone's update, that's called 'status cling.'

I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths

I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.

My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch.