Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My Homing Pigeon
is turning out to be very popular on ebay.
I've sold it 6 times already!

I enjoy warm weather, but only to a certain degree.

The only person you should try to be better than is the one you were yesterday.

I used to wonder what font was used for the letters in Alphabet Soup, turns out it's Times New Ramen.

Had to get my knitting needles fixed. They just didn't seam right.

A friend just gave me a packet of sugar as a gift. I thought it was very sweet.

The happier you are the more beautiful you become.

The fact that we call them "Earth worms" implies that there's another planet inhabited by a different type of worm…

If you can't stop thinking about someone's update, that's called 'status cling.'

I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths