Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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I can't decide what pants to put on today, smarty or fancy.
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Checking the fridge for the 10th time to see if anything new appeared.
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That panic when you're on a video call and someone asks you to share your screen.
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I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
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Want to hear a construction joke? I'm still working on it.
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I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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My math teacher called me average. How mean.
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Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
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