Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

On the surface of things, whales are always blowing it.

* puts a bunch of sparklers on the counter *
"How much for the angry incense?"

I am studying Eastern Europe, but I may never Finnish.
I'm not Russian.

Why do speed walkers
look like kids who are told
not to run around the pool?

Everyone I know is a "snack getting stuck in a vending machine" away from total collapse.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

I accidentally ran into a lamp post, but it was ok, I only suffered light injuries.

Tequila may not fix your life but its worth a shot.

You can't stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.
Cost me an arm and a leg.