Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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Do not look at me in that tone of voice.
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Chaos coordinator at your service.
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I put the "pro" in procrastination.
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Surviving another day that should have been an email.
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This meeting could have been a nap.
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I need a raise just for showing up.
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I am currently pretending to work.
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No pen or paper, but I still draw attention.
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I am the diamond you cannot afford.
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I like my coffee like my soul: dark, bitter, and too hot for you.
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