Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I don't believe in child labour; But sometimes they are the only ones who can figure out what's wrong with my computer.

I tried to buy a sweater with my Visa. They made me swipe my cardigan.

I wish I could be socially awkward for one day. Being socially awkward every day sucks.

Saw a sign on the front of a store that read "We treat you like family". Yup, not going in there...

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name is Steve.

I saw a math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday. I think she was plotting something.

You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that are not divisible by two.

A joke does not become a dad joke until it is full groan.

When I shop for clothes I look for XL on the label. I am Extra Lean.

I love going outdoors... It's much safer than going out windows.