Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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I have all the back issues of the Chiropractic journal.
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I've heard taller people sleep longer in bed...
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I would like to say that comforters are better than quilts, but I don't like to make blanket statements.
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Studies have shown that people will believe in anything that starts with the words "Studies have shown".
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Me: It's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up.
Cop: That's not how field sobriety tests work.
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I tripped over a box of kleenex this morning. I was worried I sprained my ankle but there was only soft tissue damage.
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A lesson from a black coffee: You don't have to be sweet to be liked by everyone.
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It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar. It's a 30 minute walk back. The difference is staggering!
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I've written a book. It is called "How to survive falling down a staircase". It's a step by step guide.
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A test tube baby has a womb with a view.
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