Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
My New Years resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. I am happy with my progress. Only 12 more pounds to go!
Age is of no importance unless you are a cheese or wine.
Why aren't roadies called band aides?
People are out mountain climbing, and zip-lining, and I'm just happy I got my leg through my underwear without falling over.
A delivery driver asked me what time it was. I told him, "sometime between 8:00am and 5:30pm."
Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.
I'm terrified of elevators so I'm taking steps to avoid them.
I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?
Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.