Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
After 20 minutes of being ignored, it's amazing how fast Home Depot employees show up when you try to start a chainsaw.
Best before dates are just spoiler alerts.
Couch potatoes should occasionally check under their cushions. You never know what might turnip!
A hundred baby sheep were rolling down a hill. It was a lambslide.
Where's the best place to buy a surge protector? At an outlet mall.
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
Soon airlines will start charging for emotional baggage.
I loafed around all day because I woke up on the wrong side of the bread.
I don't care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
She left a note on the fridge saying "This isn't working, goodbye". I opened it and it works just fine.