Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I'm silently correcting your grammar.
I don't know what's tighter, my jeans or my schedule.
Brains are amazing. I wish everyone had one.
Status: Too lazy to put a status.
My houseplants have started a support group. They meet on the windowsill to discuss my neglect.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
Plot twist: It was me. I was the problem the whole time.
Currently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour.
A man walked into a bar. Ouch.
If swimming is good for your shape, explain whales.