Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I know I don't have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

I just released my own fragrance. No one in the car seemed to like it.

Bigfoot is often confused with Sasquatch.. Yeti never complains.

Math: The only subject that counts

Hate is all the rage right now.

Ambiguity. What happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness

Thermometers are just speedometers for atoms

If the Earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Glasses make you look smart, but you have to fail an exam to get them.

I was disappointed to learn that 'landlady' isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.